Late Night Adventures

I have an self-diagnosed case of accute insomnia. Sure, it's not as bad as this guy, but it's to where 5 hours is a great night's sleep. I spend my time either staring at my clock, playing games, or just hanging out with friends. I'll also veg out with the TV on hoping for something to come on that knocks me into unconsciousness. I've logged a lot of hours of late night TV over the years, so I went searching for some of the classics. Here are a couple of my favorite ones, starting with one of my favorite "villians".

The Freddy 900 Number




I love Freddy Kruger, but this was one of the lamest ideas of all time. Freddy was the King of Nightmares who's four-fingered knife-glove became an iconic symbol of the 80's. So the logical next step was to have Robert England tell you a lame not-scary narrative while doing a bad Tom Waits impression. Oh, and it only cost about $10. My favorite is the disclaimer telling you to ask your parents first. This service weeded out the horrid parents by finding A) the ones who didn't know what their kids were doing on the phone, or B) the ones that let their kids call Freddy Kruger hotlines.

The Pasta Pro




I always wanted this thing because I am just like the dumb slobs in the commercial: "How in the hell do you strain pasta??? What am I, a magician???" But I really wanted this, because unlike other normal kitchen pans, it works on gas AND electric ranges.

What the hell?

This one I had never heard of, but I can only imagine three greasy douchebags in a dingy office coming up with this one. Hmmm, I wonder why there are no dudes in this commercial. Either for the innuendo-ish name, or because guys don't complain about pussy things like seatbelts!